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Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

What does it mean to you when you say that you're a demi(girl/woman) or demi(boy/man), or any other nonbinary identity?
I don't want you to feel like you need to justify yourself, I'm just curious about the experiences that leads you to identify the way you do.

Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet well, one of us identifies as male and the other as female, and the body we share is 47,XXY, so it feels almost like more of a default than not at this point, and a lot more comfortable than the boy with something wrong with him that we used to think we were.

(granted we still present masc to non-intimates for convenience + safety reasons, but that's a matter of wardrobe and barbering rather than identity)

Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet (not that we love mostly presenting masc...one of our plans for the fall, once we're past this current health situation, is to start expanding our wardrobe and style to accommodate more femininity than we've been in the habit of publicly showing)

Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet (hmm. we could also call ourselves panbinary and just confuse everybody...)

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@alexis That's really interesting, I'd not even considered the plural side of it, probably because I think my system is entirely female-aligned.

I hope it doesn't take you too long to get healthy enough to explore yourselves(that's an alright mode of address right?) Alexis.

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet it is, and thank you! we hope and intend the same!

and tbh we're not feeling too bad atm, and there's that new hoodie we've been wanting to try with our girl jeans...

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet so tilde.zone/@alexis/10256029801 happened, we guess

seems like a p solid look with the PGLF tee and the programming socks

Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@alexis @violet When I used to hang around bigender.net there were a bunch of multiple systems with similar experiences.

Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@alexis @violet Honestly, I love "panbinary". Really resonates with me.

Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet Being pressured to be a man was the worst. Being called a woman makes me bristle.

When I see people I want to emulate they're always between or mixing gender signals.

Sometimes I feel more feminine, sometimes I feel more masculine. Sometimes I want to look butch, or dapper, or pretty.

Sometimes I want to live up to what I was taught an honorable man is. Sometimes I subconsciously lump myself in with women. Usually no gender feels right to me.

How I want my body to be shaped changes almost every day, but I know I want it to be at least vaguely effeminate.

I'm enbie gender fluid.

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@NCL that's really cool. (I guess I might be getting a bit more personal, so no pressure on answering)

Do you think that you're any good at achieving the presentation that you want to on a given day?

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet Usually I can get it close enough.

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet My gender is complicated! It's a mix of female, agender, genderqueer, and otherkin identities.

I never really liked the terms "Man" or "Woman" to describe myself. They seem too self important and weighed down with baggage for me. "Man" especially turns me away, due to the pressure to be rough or strong or emotionally unshakable or whatever. "Woman" feels too prim and proper. And the more I study gender and learn about it, the less any of it feels right for me, so I'm gradually pulling away from gender. In terms of presentation, I feel best presenting more effeminately, and I wish my body were more of what people consider female.

Also, being very fox-aligned (I tend to call myself a fox spirit, in that my spirit feels like that of a fox), that has instead taken over the role of gender for me. With some species dysphoria present too...

Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet I've been trying to figure out what gender as a social construct means to me. And to me, there are more terms that work interchangeably as gender terms. I think terms like "gay", "lesbian", "sissy" etc function as genders. They say something about personality, sexuality, interests, social preferences... At least they say as much as "Man" or "Woman" does.

I think the terms man/woman are completely arbitrary. They've been randomly connected to sex, because a lot of the time, that says something.
But the connection is arbitrary. As are the terms.
I think the word Sissy is a decent description of my gender, but I'm not interested in reclaiming that word in the general public sphere. I simplify it to woman, even though that feels too... good for me to use comfortably about myself. Which is a shit reason, so I try to, anyway.

But even when I identify as a woman, I don't mean as part of a binary. Enby woman.

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet genderfluid genderqueer demilady here

I kinda got started on the path towards calling myself nonbinary via a recurring daydream I had about being mind-swapped into an alternate-universe AFAB analog of myself, when a character in that story I was telling myself told me that AU!me was trans too

that mental assignment - that subconscious sorting of myself (albeit myself in a convoluted hypothetical scenario) into a category that wasn't binary female after I'd already ruled out the category of binary male - is what I've been trying to pay attention to to understand my gender

and it's not been constant and it's not been wholly female, so

that's where the string of words came from

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@packbat That daydream sounds pretty impactful.

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet Definitely. It's not exactly the first time, either - for a hearty chunk of time between the first crack in my trans egg and my finally cluing in to being trans, I had recurring thoughts about how I wouldn't be surprised if, should a future version of me time-travel and meet me, that future version should turn out to be a woman.

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@packbat @violet we've had something like that too! for us it was (and occasionally still is) an AU version of us that didn't get the superfluous Y chromosome, which seems to check out, considering

(having both of us separately embodied would be useful for selfies too, tripod + remote release works but it's such a pain)

Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@violet for me, identifying as nonbinary means I exist entirely separate from the gender binary. I'm more toward the agender realm, where I am not of any gender, I'm just me and concepts of gender shouldn't even factor into it.

re: Asking for personal experiences about nonbinary stuff 

@extinct That seems like a good reason to identify that way, one that I've always kinda leaned towards.

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