ziphi @ziphi@vulpine.club

Fixed it.

I wish being trans were as simple as the "Feel like a [gender role]" that transn't people make it out to be.

I am definitely not feeling like a girl today. Heck you too, feelings.

and all that followed by a reminder of a song I used to love that was one of the two I often used to get me through those times. It's all a little too much for right now.

I wouldn't have expected to wake up and be crying before even seeing the sun today. Lots of bad memories and terrible dreams trying to devalue and shame me for having gone through some awful times.

I'd rather not talk about the details too much, but it's really fucking me up right now, and I can't think clearly.

Okay, I'm gonna need some parental guidance controls on my dreams please. Don't want to see that one ever again.

Working on a new piece of #art with minimal planning. It’s a good exercise in figuring things out and not worrying about having every detail perfect. It’s still a way off from finished though.

Tired: misgender
Wired: Ms. Gender

Haha, I have found the loophole to make myself girly anyway! I win!

Still, I find that others seem immovable on this issue, when I just end up hurt. They continue to be the same, and I end up doubting myself, miserable because I can't shut out talk of things that hurt me, and confused about whether long held beliefs have any value whatsoever.

I don't mean to call anyone out or anything. I just need to vent a bit about my own feelings before they get too strong.

I've started too many arguments with friends about this. Maybe I'm too controlling. Maybe I'm being the asshole. After all, there are a lot of awful, oppressive people in the world.

I've stopped arguing. This leaves me wondering if I'm right or wrong or even appreciated. But talk of such things has on too many occasions left me in a suicidal state for days on end.

There must be something more to this than just a naive attachment to pacifism.