cw self harm, photo 

all those over just two times in the past few days. :(

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cw self harm 

sighs

back to cutting ourself because of... some stuff. only two different times... but like... many, significant cuts as we just kept going for a little while until it felt "enough". :(

bad joke, self harm 

eat. sleep. cut. repeat.

I just
I wanna feel cared for
I want to feel like I belong
I want to have something to live for

hurting and sad and scared and traumatized and doing anything is so, so, so... everything. difficult and scary and impossible feeling and mew :(

lewd 

...also I want that to happen to me a lot right now;;; :(

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lewd, sad? 

...maybe we shoulda just linked it first and then explained directly. oh well, fsr don't feel like going through all that so

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lewd, sad? 

the something's a... doujinshi? is that the right term? so that's why we weren't explicit because otherwise it felt sharable un-cwed initially

and the exact details are uh, two "versions" of the same person but one is the original "voiceroid" (apparently it's not just something made up for this work, though the depiction is like realistic humanoid android w/ advanced AI and stuff) and the other one is still mostly human - so our brain goes "wait but the human one would prolly feel inferior?? at least in our view?"

...and here's the link because we may as well share it at this point maybe? /shrug
nhentai.net/g/357420/

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brain turning an explicitly happy ending of something sad. suppose that gives a little insight to where we are mentally - both that in general and the exact nature of the sadness :/

See I have to not be respectable in order to get free mushrooms, but I also need one of my other outfits for Helicon House, so I'm just having to throw on my dangerous outfit and search for my weasel whenever the mushrooms card shows up because I'm not gonna pass up 10 SPA

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"No, not one of my 399 normal weasels or my fighting one! The creepy one!"

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Fallen London things: rummaging around, going "Where's my weasel! Damnit, I know it's here somewhere!"

sh 

literally 26 nights of self harm at this point... starting to run even thinner

re: fallen london 

@IrisKalmia In fact, owning places used to be bad - the cards you get from most are debatably useful, especially lategame, and the only way to get rid of lodgings is Very Unwise. Now you can loan them out, though, and get them back via using the item.

re: fallen london 

@IrisKalmia you get opportunity cards, but that's only for owning the place, not living there. wherever you live only affects your hand size.

weed 

ugh I just want to be snuggly wif someone a lot of the time when I get higher but like... both a lot of the time there's not even someone to talk to over text who's awake, and just fear/pain/trauma;

lewd, trans, help(?) 

hmmmmmm

I want to buy a vibrator maybe? maybe that would help with some dysphoria? mew

...any suggestions? especially like... affordable ones?

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