trans anger 

At some point we have to try and take our foot off the peddle of continually attacking and eviscerating everything that upsets us. We have to take stock of the fact that 1. We are traumatised. 2. There will always be thousands of newly out people joining the fray seeing enemies all around them for the first time ever looking for anything that will momentarily pull them out of experiencing this acute pain they've pushed down all their lives.

trans anger 

I dunno, but i just feel we need a better structure of inferred rules of decency and trying to move beyond anger, that we pass on to those joining because thanks to point 1, our trauma, we are always going to find good logical excuses as to why its fine actually for us to be so hateful, but its not good for us.

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trans anger 

difficulty controlling your emotions
feeling very hostile or distrustful towards the world
constant feelings of emptiness or hopelessness
feeling as if you are permanently damaged or worthless
feeling as if you are completely different to other people
feeling like nobody can understand what happened to you
avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult
often experiencing dissociative symptoms such as depersonalisation or derealisation
regular suicidal feelings.

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trans anger 

these symptoms are what we have to assume many trans people are going to have when they come out. We have to find a structure and rules that helps mitigate the behaviour this leads to rather than enable it with philosophy and theory about how its someone elses fault and we're all totally fine.

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trans anger 

the above isn't any pathologizing of being transgender by the way. It's the symptoms of someone who has repeated traumatization in childhood.

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re: trans anger 

@mxsiege oh hey apparently i recognize the list of complex ptsd symptoms on sight by now :-(

but ... yeah. the question of "how to be in community where stepping on each other's deep-seated, basically *formative* trauma is almost guaranteed, and how to make mutual safety a thing that happens despite that" is one i don't know how to answer

almost seems like there's a hard upper limit on the size of any one community where it can be true, but i hate the idea of that

re: trans anger 

@mxsparks the only thing i can think is we need more systems in place that are like.. gentleman's honour, the pirates code, honour among thieves.. but for being trans.

re: trans anger 

@mxsparks i guess its hard, because one of the common symptoms seems to be wanting to destroy rules that came before.

re: trans anger 

@mxsiege the closest i’ve seen to this is a number of trans women explicitly stating that they have a policy to never speak badly about another trans woman publicly

re: trans anger 

@Cathymarinara that would definitely seem a good rule.

re: trans anger 

@mxsiege but also like ... it feels like Online is clearly no place for that, but where else *is* there when 1 in 150 people are even trans in the first place?

re: trans anger 

@mxsparks Nod.. And online trans spaces are always temporary.

re: trans anger 

@mxsparks i think its along the same lines as "my existence is not up for debate". In that some topics are not for open public spaces. Some topics are for intimate spaces where you can give good faith to each other and hear each other out without performance to a crowd.

re: trans anger 

@mxsiege @mxsparks

Absolutely this. It’s one of the reasons there are some topics on here that I simply avoid. I know that it absolutely isn’t safe for either myself or others to bring them up and discuss them.

re: trans anger 

@mxsiege @AudreyJune [extremely over-30 voice] maybe the kids will figure it out

but actually though. i know approximately 1 trans person older than me who managed not to catch Trauma prior to coming out

and there's a generation of teenagers right now where for the first time (not all, not even most, but) more than statistically-zero people have been able to short-circuit some of that

re: trans anger 

@mxsparks @mxsiege @AudreyJune still pretty much legendary in my experience fwiw

like we don't hear about them except when they break stealth

re: trans anger 

@velexiraptor @mxsparks @AudreyJune yeah, its also a dangerous thing where it might be why we get put under the floorboards, much in the way people talk of Susan's place and transsexuals now.

re: trans anger 

@mxsiege @velexiraptor @mxsparks
*side eyeing that whole scene*
Oof, there but by the grace of goddesses go I.

Can’t go there, but can’t hate on them either.

I can’t really judge them. A lot of people could have made those decisions and ended up there.

re: trans anger 

@AudreyJune @velexiraptor @mxsparks everything is built on what we had before. we've come a long way, but we've got a long way to go.

re: trans anger 

@AudreyJune @velexiraptor @mxsparks in Susan's place favour, they actually discuss a lot of medical stuff and surgery with like "so for the past 6 years... and then for the 4 years before that.."

re: trans anger 

@AudreyJune @velexiraptor @mxsparks where as most other places are more "i'm not out yet, but i read a post about surgery and im here to tell you you're wrong"

re: trans anger 

@mxsiege @velexiraptor @mxsparks

This is very true. They have *way* better surgery discussions. Much more open, and plenty of people willing to he candid. The ban on pics is weird, but there are enough other places now that it doesn’t matter.

And like, that place does seem to defy the typical time cap on trans spaces.

re: trans anger 

@mxsiege yeah. but then i'm frustrated with the tension between safety/security and invisibility/erasure. there's something about it that tastes too much like "just tell the creepy doctor what he wants to hear so he'll write your second letter"

part of me is screaming that cis people (let alone trans people who aren't out to themselves yet) should *have* to be exposed to graduate-level trans concepts & wrestle with them until they get it, but the rest of me understands why that can't happen

re: trans anger 

@mxsparks for sure, but i think we have a tendency to.. overcomplicate things?

re: trans anger 

@mxsparks @mxsiege perhaps we could look at how grassroots organised communities of colour handle restorative justice?

given how white our "community" is we might have a bit of stumbling start there

now, i say "we" here, but i don't feel like a part of this community
i speak English, i am trans, and i am traumatised, but my trauma doesn't stem from being trans. i live in a country where getting hormones was very easy, once i decided it's time.

re: trans anger 

@meena @mxsparks do you get gender dysphoria?

re: trans anger 

@mxsiege @mxsparks honestly, no
not any more.
i had a lot of confidence before transition, even with my body, although i knew and felt that something wasn't quite right.

but my confidence kind of just shot into space five months into HRT.
i don't mind what people think of my appearance or misgender me.
i am now very happily me.

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