bunker time: y1, d266, timekeeping 

How strange, to still keep the anniversary of a pain that the one who caused it has surely long since forgotten.

bunker time: y1, d266, timekeeping 

Also, to be clear: this isn't about Pearl Harbor, even a little bit.

bunker time: y1, d266, gun mention 

Gods, I wish I could fucking go shooting without worrying about the plague.

bunker time: y1, d271, gun mention 

Yeah, this hasn't changed even a little.

bunker time: y1, d271, timekeeping 

It's been

Nine months since the quarantine

Locked myself in my house to try to save me

bunker time: y1, d272, LDBG, food 

Ran out for groceries and forgot my keys and headset, so I spent a tense half an hour or so in the grocery store before emerging unscathed.

Vaguely related: did you know that you can just make your own vanilla cola?

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, mh (-) 

Having some complicated thoughts today about community and distance. Getting some loneliness; doubts creeping in about how much (or whether) I'm really welcome.

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, mh (-) 

Do I get to be part of a community I'm physically far from, or am I just deluding myself again? What if I'm just being tolerated, all over again? What do people say of me, when I'm not there?

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, mh (-) 

Please be so kind as not to just say I'm welcome. Words are nothing but wind.

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, loneliness, plague 

I was supposed to be there with the rest of you, and then a plague happened, and I know it's the least important possible thing to be upset about here but still.

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, loneliness, the obvious dangerous implication is not true 

Sometimes I wonder how long it would take for anyone to actually notice if I just vanished suddenly.

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, loneliness, the obvious dangerous implication is not true, seeming non-sequitur 

German surely has a word for that thing that cats and other small colonial predators sometimes do where they go hide somewhere to die.

bunker time: y1, d279, not exclusviely glowtide, mh(-) 

me: I must offer something of value to this community I feel myself to be at the edges of, so that they will not reject me

also me: I will never be fully sure whether I am accepted in this community that I feel myself to be at the edges of because of the thing of value I brought, why does this keep happening to me

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, woo, mh(-) 

tbh I'm kinda hoping we fail tonight and the sun just doesn't come back

wouldn't fimbulwinter just be the cherry on top of this shit sundae of a year

(which will still be the best year in the next decade)

bunker time: y1, d279, mh (-) 

why can't I trust that people like me

bunker time: y1, d279, mh (-) 

ffs I have a crush on someone and I'm half-convinced that they barely tolerate me

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, food, drugs 

anyway now I have potpie and also pot

bunker time: y1, d280, timekeeping 

Seven quarantines, and today is the solstice.

bunker time: y1, d280, mh (~), social/romantic 

It occurs to me all of a sudden that all this worry I feel, all these games I end up half-consciously playing around how long to wait until responding and micro-positioning around power dynamics and trying to pretend I need the other person less than they need me -

that these things are likely totally unnecessary and the other person doesn't even realize that they're going on, and that if I were ever actually justified in doing these things, that that's a relationship I probably don't want to be in to start with.

bunker time: y1, d280, mh (~), social/romantic 

Anyway I guess what I'm saying is I'm kind of an anxious mess and if I've reached out to you to say I have a crush on you that that was a massive effort of will and also headpats pls.

bunker time: y1, d281, mh (-), social 

oh good now I get to struggle with rejection sensitivity and then subsequent anxiety again with respect to the group I'm slowly joining, cool and good

bunker time: y1, d281, mh (-), social 

why did I think that they actually liked me

bunker time: y1, d288 

Suddenly, snow.

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year 

This year, what did I get done? What did I achieve?

1. I survived. I lived through a literal fucking plague.

2. I finally saw what might be this nation's fever breaking, if even a little bit - direct action on the one hand, and electoralist bleed-stopping on the other.

3. I passed my quals in algebra and geometry with flying colors. I got a rerun of the Forty Days of Hell, and I won.

4. I finally managed to get in touch with local mental health services.

5. I kept my tiny experiment in macroeconomics running (again, *through a plague.*)
5'. (More on that here: lorx.us/favor )

6. I bought a first firearm, and have been teaching myself to shoot long(ish)-range. I'm still decently good at it, after all these years; thank muscle memory, I suppose.

7. I applied to about 50 postdoc math programs.

8. I helped out with local mutual aid efforts and jail support (again, DURING A PLAGUE) more than a few times, both materially and with labor.

9. Colossal successes in [Unspecified Project 3] through predictive skill and access to [unspecified resource] permitting generous aid.

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year 

10. I came to conceptualize mathematical research, academic pursuits, and other personal pursuits as *literal* pursuits; that is, hunting abstractions.

11. I taught several friends to hunt basic algebra and calculus.

12. I turned 27; again, IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORLDWIDE PLAGUE. I didn't fully expect to make it this far.

13. I won the Little Drummer Boy Game! 9 hours to go on the bonus round.

14. I kept my own plague calendar and covid statistics tracking.

14'.) The calendar (BLaRTS) is defined to have Bunker Time Day 1 as March 17; right now is Year 1, Day 290. More finely, right now as I type this is BLaRTS T+24,985,000 - the time since 2020/3/17, UTC 22:00.

The plague stats are here: docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d

15. I put the finishing touches on my first original result (in geometric group theory, no less!).

Could I have done more? Certainly. But ultimately, hindsight is 2020.

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year 

At any rate if at midnight we roll over back to January 1st 2020, you can count on me ruling the world by about April.

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year, death 

Let us remember those who entropy has stolen from us this past year.

Let their names and their deeds live on in us.

Liang Wudong, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Li Wenliang, who is dead, but not forgotten.
David Graeber, who is dead, but not forgotten.
John Horton Conway, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Vaughan Jones, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Freeman Dyson, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Chuck Yeager, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Michael Hertz, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Ronald Lewis Graham, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Alex Trebek, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Shin Kyuk-ho, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Wes Wilson, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Yi Hae-won, who is dead, but not forgotten.

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year, death 

Cullen Mahany, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Rick May, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Ahmaud Arbery, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Breonna Taylor, who is dead, but not forgotten.
George Floyd, who is dead, but not forgotten.
James Scurlock, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Krzysztof Penderecki, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Kim Yong-un, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Bernd Fischer, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Peter Borwein, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Bernard Stiegler, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Michael Darwin Morley, who is dead, but not forgotten.
George Robery Carruthers, who is dead, but not forgotten.

I don't believe there's anything after death, unless people make it, and we haven't yet. Accordingly, these people are permanently gone. It is now ours to remember them, and to continue their work.

bunker time: y1, t+25000000, timekeeping 

As of a few hours ago, it is BLaRTS T+25 megaseconds of the bunker era.

bunker time: y1, d290 

Happy New Year!

bunker time: y1, d291, guns 

Got to do a little science today - tested out some armor-piercing ammunition and found it didn't do a thing to 1/4" AR500 plate. Possibly was due to how the target was hung up? Fun either way.

bunker time: y1, d296, uspol, trumpageddon 

well, we sure are livetooting a doomed coup attempt in the year of our luigi BLaRTS 1, day 296

bunker time: y1, d301, timekeeping 

As of yesterday, it is BLaRTS Day 300.

Genuinely wasn't expecting it to take this long, at the start.

bunker time: y1, d304, drugs 

I... probably shouldn't be on daily modafinil, but it's about the only way I can manage to get work done consistently.

bunker time: y1, d304, idle thoughts 

"What is true is already so.
Owning up to it doesn't make it any worse.
Not being open about it doesn't make it go away.
And because it is true, it is what is there to be interacted with.
Anything untrue isn't there to be lived.
People can stand what is true, for they are already enduring it."

I think about that a lot. One of the little charred scrolls I took with me after a couple of wise men made a series of very long and very foolish mistakes, and failed to update well enough to notice in time.

bunker time: y1, d305, mh (-~), uspol, math 

Can't figure out whether I'm stressed to shit this morning because I'm already behind on thesis editing, because I forgot to take my meds last night, or because tomorrow there's going to be another attempted coup by right wing horrors.

bunker time: y1, d305, mh (+), math, foxposting 

Snapping my jaws, licking my chops, padding around, feeling like myself again.

I forgot how nice it was to hyperfocus on math I'm good at.

bunker time: y1, d305, math, foxposting 

...I sure did hyperfocus so hard I abruptly ran out of reserves right after stopping and then crashed into unconsciousness for 2 or 3 hours. Oops.

At least I got my thesis draft done!

Follow

bunker time: y1, d305 

anyway I've used up all of my brain juice for the day and then some

wait, I slept through meds o'clock

one sec

bunker time: y1, d306, econ, food, meat mention 

I think about the concept of the Big Mac Index a lot.

bunker time: y1, d306, math, foxposting 

one of these days, I am going to have to try to explain my thesis to you critters

bring you around my hunting grounds for a few moments

bunker time: y1, d306, math, foxposting 

@lorxus i'd like that ^^

bunker time: y1, d306, math, foxposting 

@KitRedgrave bwegh

remind me to later pls

bunker time: y1, d306, math, foxposting 

@lorxus okay...

@RemindMe in 1 day

bunker time: y1, d306, math, foxposting 

@lorxus oh it's busted. okay then.

re: bunker time: y1, d306, math, foxposting 

@KitRedgrave @lorxus I hope to at least understand some of the fundemental concepts if you do, but y'all got my ears perked. =^_^=

bunker time: y1, d306, calendars 

I finally thought to look it up and my traditional calendar birthday is 3/27, which is just deeply satisfying

bunker time: y1, d306, calendars 

wait, it's even better - it's *intercalary month* 3, day 27

bunker time: y1, d306, calendars 

I was born in a leap month with a date that has a nice simple relationship!

I never realized that; that's deeply satisfying.

bunker time: y1, d307, idle thoughts 

Is there anything much more :mtgu: :mtgg: than "the prey I pursue is the concept of perfection"?

bunker time: y1, d310, uspol 

Delightful - it's looking like we really *have* bought ourselves a couple of years' reprieve.

bunker time: y1, d310, uspol 

Here we are, bloodied, but unbowed.

As is customary, I will give it a full three days before I start talking about how almost nothing has changed and we're all fucked in multiple ways on multiple timescales once more.

bunker time: y1, d310, uspol 

At last, Donald Trump is no longer the President of the United States of America.

We've bought ourselves a couple of years' reprieve. The work of the left, from Berniecrats to ancoms, to drag a better world into existence, has only just now started.

bunker time: y1, d313, fraktela, guns 

Yes, I call it Cleckner on long-range shooting. It's a textbook like any other, isn't it?

bunker time: y1, d314, drugs 

exhausted

spent all week working hard on thesis

going to have some nice foxnip

bunker time: y1, d314, gross, mh (~) 

...should also probably shower, because I feel horribly greasy and beard growth implies that I haven't in at least a couple days.

bunker time: y1, d314, guns 

Oh, so that *was* gunshots earlier. Seems that no one was injured, though.

bunker time: y1, d314, timekeeping, food 

HOLY FUCK I JUST NOW REALIZED THAT TODAY IS BLARTS PIE DAY

I'm going to make a pie

bunker time: y1, d314, timekeeping, food 

@lorxus On BLaRTS y1 d314, I made pie. (Cherry, with stale Sauterne and framboise.)

bunker time: y1, d314, guns 

@lorxus yikes. glad you're safe

bunker time: y1, d314, guns 

@lorxus That is mildly terrifying *sends support*

bunker time: y1, d314, guns 

I'm fine, everyone. I imagine it was some dumb shootout at the VA, not right-wing idiots. No one was even injured.

bunker time: y1, d314, alc 

The next time I come out to visit Seattle, I will have to bring you one of the great delicacies of my homeland: Malort

bunker time: y1, d314, alc 

@lorxus that sounds like a threat.

bunker time: y1, d316, food(?) 

Finally - FINALLY - managed to get facilities staff around to replace my nonworking fridge.

And moving all my food into either the trash or the new fridge has taken up all my spoons for today; if ever there was a day I deserved a break out of schedule, it's today.

bunker time: y1, d317 

Finally watched Tenet.

Friends - it may be partially NatSec propaganda like basically every single big-budget film for the last two decades

and has an obligatory shred of romance

but apart from that it is REAL FUCKIN GOOD

re: bunker time: y1, d317 

@lorxus I haven't heard of this thing?

re: bunker time: y1, d317 

@starkatt Most recent Christopher Nolan movie. Released in theaters(???) about 5 months ago? But I hadn't watched it until now.

bunker time: y1, d316 

Oops, last one is supposed to be 316

bunker time: y1, d316, mh (-) 

I think I'm doing that thing again where I accidentally isolate myself out of a subconscious conviction that all my friends and acquaintances would rather not hear from me

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