bunker time: y1, d232, uspol 

Well, I'm not crying and traumatized, so that's an improvement over last go-round thus far

bunker time: y1, d233, mild woo 

I will never not feel called out by reality with respect to the fact that there's a pretty clear seelie/unseelie-class aesthetic moiety divide in the Seattle postfurry.

bunker time: y1, d236 timekeeping 

As of this morning, it is now BLARTS (Bunker (Lorxus and @rey ) Time (Standardized)) T +20 megaseconds.

bunker time: y1, d236 timekeeping 

@rey (I forgot to mark T +2^24 , which was on the evening of September 27, 2020)

bunker time: y1, d236, uspol 

I wonder what that alternate-universe Lorxus is doing right now, the one in the timeline where The Orange won

bunker time: y1, d240, timekeeping 

BLARTS Day 240. 6 quarantines.

bunker time: y1, d242, foxposting, math 

Helped a friend with some hunting practice today. I found it simple but satisfying.

bunker time: y1, d246, mh (+) 

FINALLY got through to see a therapist for the first time in about 5 years. I think the intake went well, but I didn't realize just how much of @makyo 's archness I absorbed.

bunker time: y1, d249, foxposting, mathposting 

Behind as fuck on paper revision and math pset. I've taken down worse. I'm feeling, for the first time in a long time, even a little like a proper hunter of truths.

bunker time: y1, d249, idle thoughts 

I can't believe we live in a timeline where a major kind of embryonic machine intelligence is homophonic for a swear word in Mandarin Chinese.

bunker time: y1, d249, idle thoughts(-) 

I got slightly nostalgic and watched some of Who Speaks For Earth of Sagan's Cosmos. I used to mourn Sagan's loss. But listening to -

"In the last two centuries abject slavery, which was with us for thousands of years, has almost entirely been eliminated in a stirring world wide revolution. Women, systematically mistreated for millennia, are gradually gaining the political and economic power traditionally denied to them. And some wars of aggression have recently been stopped or curtailed because of a revulsion felt by the people in the aggressor nations. The old appeals to racial, sexual and religious chauvinism and to rabid nationalism are beginning not to work. A new consciousness is developing which sees the earth as a single organism and recognizes that an organism at war with itself is doomed."

Nah. Not that I can tell. It was a brief fever dream of the 80s and 90s, and then done away with, to the best of my perception, and we live in the result.

bunker time: y1, d249, idle thoughts(-) 

Thank the gods he didn't have to see any of this. Thank the gods he didn't have to see how right and how wrong he was.

bunker time: y1, d249, a supposition I keep coming back to (--) 

What if this is a dead world spinning, and has been since the late 19th century? What if the last hope we had to reach the stars was to avoid any or all of the failure of Reconstruction, the Crimean War, the Franco-Prussian War, the Taiping Rebellion, the Scramble for Africa, the War of the Triple Alliance, and the Gilded Age?

bunker time: y1, d250, timekeeping 

Two hundred fifty days of plague.

bunker time: y1, d253, gun-adj 

Oh hey, my rear bag arrived!

bunker time: y1, d253, gun-adj, dreams 

Also: the Jaw showed up on my dreams last night. I don't quite remember why.

bunker time: y1, d256, timekeeping 

2^8 days now.

bunker time: y1, d266, timekeeping 

How strange, to still keep the anniversary of a pain that the one who caused it has surely long since forgotten.

bunker time: y1, d266, timekeeping 

Also, to be clear: this isn't about Pearl Harbor, even a little bit.

bunker time: y1, d266, gun mention 

Gods, I wish I could fucking go shooting without worrying about the plague.

bunker time: y1, d271, gun mention 

Yeah, this hasn't changed even a little.

bunker time: y1, d271, timekeeping 

It's been

Nine months since the quarantine

Locked myself in my house to try to save me

bunker time: y1, d272, LDBG, food 

Ran out for groceries and forgot my keys and headset, so I spent a tense half an hour or so in the grocery store before emerging unscathed.

Vaguely related: did you know that you can just make your own vanilla cola?

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, mh (-) 

Having some complicated thoughts today about community and distance. Getting some loneliness; doubts creeping in about how much (or whether) I'm really welcome.

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, mh (-) 

Do I get to be part of a community I'm physically far from, or am I just deluding myself again? What if I'm just being tolerated, all over again? What do people say of me, when I'm not there?

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, mh (-) 

Please be so kind as not to just say I'm welcome. Words are nothing but wind.

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, loneliness, plague 

I was supposed to be there with the rest of you, and then a plague happened, and I know it's the least important possible thing to be upset about here but still.

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, loneliness, the obvious dangerous implication is not true 

Sometimes I wonder how long it would take for anyone to actually notice if I just vanished suddenly.

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, loneliness, the obvious dangerous implication is not true, seeming non-sequitur 

German surely has a word for that thing that cats and other small colonial predators sometimes do where they go hide somewhere to die.

bunker time: y1, d279, not exclusviely glowtide, mh(-) 

me: I must offer something of value to this community I feel myself to be at the edges of, so that they will not reject me

also me: I will never be fully sure whether I am accepted in this community that I feel myself to be at the edges of because of the thing of value I brought, why does this keep happening to me

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, woo, mh(-) 

tbh I'm kinda hoping we fail tonight and the sun just doesn't come back

wouldn't fimbulwinter just be the cherry on top of this shit sundae of a year

(which will still be the best year in the next decade)

bunker time: y1, d279, mh (-) 

why can't I trust that people like me

bunker time: y1, d279, mh (-) 

ffs I have a crush on someone and I'm half-convinced that they barely tolerate me

bunker time: y1, d279, glowtide, food, drugs 

anyway now I have potpie and also pot

bunker time: y1, d280, timekeeping 

Seven quarantines, and today is the solstice.

bunker time: y1, d280, mh (~), social/romantic 

It occurs to me all of a sudden that all this worry I feel, all these games I end up half-consciously playing around how long to wait until responding and micro-positioning around power dynamics and trying to pretend I need the other person less than they need me -

that these things are likely totally unnecessary and the other person doesn't even realize that they're going on, and that if I were ever actually justified in doing these things, that that's a relationship I probably don't want to be in to start with.

bunker time: y1, d280, mh (~), social/romantic 

Anyway I guess what I'm saying is I'm kind of an anxious mess and if I've reached out to you to say I have a crush on you that that was a massive effort of will and also headpats pls.

bunker time: y1, d281, mh (-), social 

oh good now I get to struggle with rejection sensitivity and then subsequent anxiety again with respect to the group I'm slowly joining, cool and good

Follow

bunker time: y1, d281, mh (-), social 

why did I think that they actually liked me

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year 

This year, what did I get done? What did I achieve?

1. I survived. I lived through a literal fucking plague.

2. I finally saw what might be this nation's fever breaking, if even a little bit - direct action on the one hand, and electoralist bleed-stopping on the other.

3. I passed my quals in algebra and geometry with flying colors. I got a rerun of the Forty Days of Hell, and I won.

4. I finally managed to get in touch with local mental health services.

5. I kept my tiny experiment in macroeconomics running (again, *through a plague.*)
5'. (More on that here: lorx.us/favor )

6. I bought a first firearm, and have been teaching myself to shoot long(ish)-range. I'm still decently good at it, after all these years; thank muscle memory, I suppose.

7. I applied to about 50 postdoc math programs.

8. I helped out with local mutual aid efforts and jail support (again, DURING A PLAGUE) more than a few times, both materially and with labor.

9. Colossal successes in [Unspecified Project 3] through predictive skill and access to [unspecified resource] permitting generous aid.

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year 

10. I came to conceptualize mathematical research, academic pursuits, and other personal pursuits as *literal* pursuits; that is, hunting abstractions.

11. I taught several friends to hunt basic algebra and calculus.

12. I turned 27; again, IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORLDWIDE PLAGUE. I didn't fully expect to make it this far.

13. I won the Little Drummer Boy Game! 9 hours to go on the bonus round.

14. I kept my own plague calendar and covid statistics tracking.

14'.) The calendar (BLaRTS) is defined to have Bunker Time Day 1 as March 17; right now is Year 1, Day 290. More finely, right now as I type this is BLaRTS T+24,985,000 - the time since 2020/3/17, UTC 22:00.

The plague stats are here: docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d

15. I put the finishing touches on my first original result (in geometric group theory, no less!).

Could I have done more? Certainly. But ultimately, hindsight is 2020.

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year 

At any rate if at midnight we roll over back to January 1st 2020, you can count on me ruling the world by about April.

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year, death 

Let us remember those who entropy has stolen from us this past year.

Let their names and their deeds live on in us.

Liang Wudong, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Li Wenliang, who is dead, but not forgotten.
David Graeber, who is dead, but not forgotten.
John Horton Conway, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Vaughan Jones, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Freeman Dyson, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Chuck Yeager, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Michael Hertz, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Ronald Lewis Graham, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Alex Trebek, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Shin Kyuk-ho, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Wes Wilson, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Yi Hae-won, who is dead, but not forgotten.

bunker time: y1, d290, reflections on the past gregorian year, death 

Cullen Mahany, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Rick May, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Ahmaud Arbery, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Breonna Taylor, who is dead, but not forgotten.
George Floyd, who is dead, but not forgotten.
James Scurlock, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Krzysztof Penderecki, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Kim Yong-un, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Bernd Fischer, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Peter Borwein, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Bernard Stiegler, who is dead, but not forgotten.
Michael Darwin Morley, who is dead, but not forgotten.
George Robery Carruthers, who is dead, but not forgotten.

I don't believe there's anything after death, unless people make it, and we haven't yet. Accordingly, these people are permanently gone. It is now ours to remember them, and to continue their work.

bunker time: y1, t+25000000, timekeeping 

As of a few hours ago, it is BLaRTS T+25 megaseconds of the bunker era.

bunker time: y1, d291, guns 

Got to do a little science today - tested out some armor-piercing ammunition and found it didn't do a thing to 1/4" AR500 plate. Possibly was due to how the target was hung up? Fun either way.

bunker time: y1, d296, uspol, trumpageddon 

well, we sure are livetooting a doomed coup attempt in the year of our luigi BLaRTS 1, day 296

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

I wonder if topologically interesting molecules have an chemically interesting properties? @Canageek ?

Like - use the stick number for knots to make a hideously densely trefoil-knotted topoisomer of benzene. Does it behave any different?

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

@lorxus Poke me later, chemist is like 90% topology and I don't have the time right now to give you a good answer

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

@lorxus Ok, so what you are talking about are called isomers. Same composition, different connections.

Easy example: transplatin vs cisplatin

and I just learned I don't have chemdraw installed XD

Ok, So is is trans-Dichlorodiammineplatinum(II). PtCl2(NH3)2. It is mostly just a molecule you can make useful things from. It is called that as the similar groups are across from one another, that is trans.

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

@lorxus This is cisplatin, a famous anti-cancer drug. cis = the identical groups are on the same side of the central atom, beside one another. Totally different properties.

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

@Canageek yes, I know about topoisomers

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

@lorxus Ah, do you also know about enatiomers and such?

Where you actually asking about spacial arrangement, as that is very different then topological.

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

@lorxus OK, so yeah. Those are spacial arrangements, not topological.

Topological just refers to how the atoms are connected via bonds, like in graph or network theory, with molecular knots you care about spacial arrangements.

The answer is yes, and they do have weird properties, but I've actually never encountered a um, use for them. Mostly papers showing off how clever the chemist who made them was.

The exception is en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotaxane which have a lot of research into them though I don't know of any uses.

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

@lorxus On a larger scale, in the solid state, you can get interpenetrated networks. This is one from my thesis, each colour is a different network that doesn't come into contact with the others. (The actual atoms have been heavily simplified to show how they interpenetrate)

These are mostly an annoyance, as porous materials with channels in them are a big research area right now, as you can react things inside the channels and the amount of internal volume you can get is insane. So lots of catalytic, gas storage, purification use. Interpenetration in that case is usually bad, as it fills up that volume, though you can see in this case it leaves plenty of space.

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

@lorxus But yeah, people do make knots, I saw someone make a Star of David a few years back by interweaving two molecules.

chemistryworld.com/news/molecu

I haven't heard of any interesting properties for them, but ah, I could have missed something?

I think they are usually made to demonstrate a technique so far, rather then for the molecule themselves.

bunker time: y1, d296, chem, idle thoughts 

@lorxus If you have specific questions let me know

bunker time: y1, d301, timekeeping 

As of yesterday, it is BLaRTS Day 300.

Genuinely wasn't expecting it to take this long, at the start.

bunker time: y1, d304, drugs 

I... probably shouldn't be on daily modafinil, but it's about the only way I can manage to get work done consistently.

bunker time: y1, d304, idle thoughts 

"What is true is already so.
Owning up to it doesn't make it any worse.
Not being open about it doesn't make it go away.
And because it is true, it is what is there to be interacted with.
Anything untrue isn't there to be lived.
People can stand what is true, for they are already enduring it."

I think about that a lot. One of the little charred scrolls I took with me after a couple of wise men made a series of very long and very foolish mistakes, and failed to update well enough to notice in time.

re: bunker time: y1, d304, idle thoughts 

@lorxus Curious, where is that from?

re: bunker time: y1, d304, idle thoughts 

@Kyresti It's the Litany of Gendlin. Something I took with me when I fled LessWrong's burning.

... Fuck me, I missed my chance to ever meet Gendlin.

re: bunker time: y1, d304, idle thoughts 

@lorxus yeah, it can be helpful.

bunker time: y1, d305, mh (-~), uspol, math 

Can't figure out whether I'm stressed to shit this morning because I'm already behind on thesis editing, because I forgot to take my meds last night, or because tomorrow there's going to be another attempted coup by right wing horrors.

bunker time: y1, d305, mh (+), math, foxposting 

Snapping my jaws, licking my chops, padding around, feeling like myself again.

I forgot how nice it was to hyperfocus on math I'm good at.

bunker time: y1, d305, math, foxposting 

...I sure did hyperfocus so hard I abruptly ran out of reserves right after stopping and then crashed into unconsciousness for 2 or 3 hours. Oops.

At least I got my thesis draft done!

bunker time: y1, d305 

anyway I've used up all of my brain juice for the day and then some

wait, I slept through meds o'clock

one sec

bunker time: y1, d306, econ, food, meat mention 

I think about the concept of the Big Mac Index a lot.

bunker time: y1, d307, idle thoughts 

"Let the iron rod approach your face.
If the iron is cool, the Way opposes your fear.
If the iron is hot, the Way opposes your calm."

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