IKEA Femme ⚧ 🏳️‍🌈 @ikea_femme@vulpine.club

And if I'm doing worse in this context, then can I even say that transition was worth it? My life is materially better, save for the breakup and moving, but my mental health is worse. And I face barely any discrimination. What the hell is wrong with me?

I feel like a fraud that I've transitioned, found a cool job, and have plans for bottom surgery, yet still feel like a depressed person. Sometimes moreso than before I transitioned.

I feel guilty that I have so much of what other people need and can't have, and I can't even enjoy it.

I'm sleeping less and less, my apartment is filthy. I'm afraid to tell this to my therapist in case I screw up a possible surgery referral, and will probably seek a psychiatrist soon.

Hasty "date cancelled on me so I might as well share my outfit" pics.

https://vulpine.club/media/vo3PyDVWkWG26bO3fZQ

https://vulpine.club/media/qfjpOyLfHg5VVDWlQRc

https://vulpine.club/media/IPXSkKOMK-e7J2S0cRY

Got catcalled for the first time in months. I'm gonna do the thing where I find it validating rather than feeling angry that men are pigs.

I'm so uncomfortable researching ffs. I want to pass, but I find it upsetting I'll probably need to buy third party insurance and look weird for months and then look different. Only reason I have to be uncomfortable with my face is jerks.

I wish society were as malleable as my skull, and my skull isn't that malleable to begin with. And fuck Boston for having that perfect blend of trans visibility and jerks who thus have the eye.

Ugh why is knowing that I can pull off ffs with some weird insurance tweaks is filling me with dread. I can't tell why. Nobody seems to regret ffs if it goes right. And an ffs Facebook group gave me a bunch of shit I "need." I should be happy about this. And I'm not

I'm worried that I'm even more neurotic a year and a half into transition. I have a body that I generally like, a well paying job, and could probably have decent success dating. I should be living my best life, but I had a numb peace as an egg. And maybe part of it was that I had a long term partner, and now no longer do. Or I feel like I don't pass in Boston as well as I did back home. Just so much stuff to fret over in an objectively better life.

I've been getting clocked more in Boston, and I am considering ffs despite not really wanting it before. I'll probably go for a brow reduction and not much else if I can get away with it.

How bad is the recovery for that?

Running longer and getting faster:

Pro: almost as athletic as I was pre hrt, new levels of respect for my body

Con: My feet are swollen and even my good shoes fit weird.

Finally got my SRS letter from my therapist. Everything should finally be good to do a consultation now!

#Introductions I was on octodon.social as @ikea_femme , but I wanted to be somewhere with a more active feed, and hopefully for more of the people on the timeline to be trans themselves. You know, the urge to ask weird questions and all.