Angela/AJ/Faeylayn @faeylayn@vulpine.club

Our history will always come back to haunt us. We may try to outrun it, we may try to hide from it, but in the age of disconnected connectedness, the world is small and these severed ties and broken couplings will always find a way to come back to the forefront. The world is small, the poly world is smaller, the poly kinky world even more so.

ugh..... we have work in like 6 hours and there is nothing remotely like sleep happening..... again

@tastymochafox asks "where's Senegal?" "It's a country in West Africa near Gambia" "where's Ghana?" "It's also in West Africa" "how do you geography so well" " United States Canada Mexico Panama Haiti Jamaica Peru"

Will they see through this plastic smile to the fear below, and will it even matter anyways? Maybe the fake optimism will actually do something besides set up a disappointment that sends us crawling to a bed hard and fast and unable to do anything worthwhile.... And maybe that's all we'll be able to do with these people

We have done the landing in sea tac

Our therapist says that we seem like we take pride in not being understood, and honestly we can see that being the case. We don't believe that but that would be what someone who's invested in not being understood would say. But we suppose that there's a part of us that just wants the people who wanted to be invested to understand us.... Which in some way seems dumb but we don't want to just let everyone in.

We can't comprehend the idea of being a toy, the concept of being good or useful or lovable just by existing and being is.... just so foreign. It's so damn appealing and we want to believe in it so damn hard, but there's some block that just can't get around this idea.

why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting? why is the uncomfortable so comforting?

who are we, who do we want to be
there's this world and maybe we can dive into it, do we want to get lost in it?
what would we be losing? Who would we be losing? Is it ok to jump into this unknown? Have we been safe too long? can we be unsafe? But is safe bad? how bad? who what why how are we?
What are you looking for? What are we looking for?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdH2Sy-BlNE
this is... we .... this is doing so much in our head right here right now
fuck
like goddess
shit, we don't understand
we do but we don't
and we are
.... screwed
ugh
just
words
like
this
we
there's so much that this calls out to
but also so much that we....
conflict
no resolution
no consensus
circles
we don't understand what we want or how we want, or why things make us uncomfortable when they are so comforting
the world is circles, our world is in circles

We're going to try and stream tonight starting at 9pm EST.
https://www.twitch.tv/faeylayn

Hope to see you there!

Okies so we're just going to be doing a arena run stream
https://www.twitch.tv/faeylayn/dashboard
will be starting at 9:45 eastern, see you then!

Mew............ we feel so..... out of place..... like we've been trying to fit into a round hole with a square peg. We feel like all we've been doing is feeling like we're falling apart or out of place for the past week or so......

The incline is steep, the path is long
Put your head down and power on
You'll see the milestones as you pass each
Push forward knowing that your goal is in reach
Be careful raising your eyes to the road
When you can't see the end and strength is bowed
The path to improvement is harried and long
But looking only ahead will feel very wrong
Be sure to cast an eye behind
To see the journey in it's twists and winds
Take heart in the progress small or great
Disregard how far remains, and celebrate.

There's a lot of life going on, which is good in some ways and awful in others....
We want to write more bad poetry......

Life continues, it always finds a way. Perhaps not the way intended, but it does not lead astray. You are who you are supposed to be right now, you aren't wrong for being you from birth to final bow. Those who heed your call adventure will find your experience worth the endeavour. You are worth it, the successes and fails, and you are worth answering another's adventure calls. Your worth is more than you might find too, so please don't apologize for being you.