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mh ~, not serious 

Is It a Manic Episode or Burnout Recovery: An Autism Story

food 

my brain went "you can't give a cow dairy, that's like cannibalism" if you're wondering how many cells it's firing on today

mh sui 

I can get back to where I was in 2019. I survived 2020, so I must be able to get back there. right?

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mh sui 

killing myself because I don't want to kill myself but it's the only way to get rid of the intrusive thoughts about killing myself 🤔🙃

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mh sui 

I don't actually want to die. somehow I've found some positivity, somewhere, to hang on to. but the thought just keeps popping back up, and I want it to go away

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mh sui 

my partner wants to break up with me, or redefine the relationship at least. because I'm too fucking broken to handle. I don't want to say there's nothing left for this hellish decade to take from me, because that would guarantee it finds something. but like. it would have to look pretty fucking hard

my last trip to the office, to return my computer and get everything I left there last year, and there's a subway meltdown. such nostalgia 🥲

why did they use the term "dwarf planet" for Pluto when "planette" was right there

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what if all the mindfulness stuff, all the talk about accepting things as they are because they aren't that bad, has always been counterproductive for me. that things always were as bad as my brain was making them out to be, and all my therapy has taught me is how to minimize and fake stability better

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how was I ever happy. how did I ever look at my life and think any of it was okay. I've just been putting on this mask of being a good functional person forever, and burning out anyone who makes the mistake of trying to support me. faking being okay so adeptly that even my therapists haven't been able to see through it. lying through my teeth about things like "having friends", or somehow telling the truth that I don't in a way that nobody ever actually believes it. like I'm just more fucked up than anyone can actually internalize

I don't practice safe sex. not since I got fired from my job at a bank

if I have my midlife crisis at 30 does that mean I only have to live until 60?

looking at my old report cards the grades were all like

A
D
H
D

convergent evolution in capitalism means all corporations eventually become marketing companies or loan providers. this process is also known as carcinisation,,

"it's not a fish's fault it can't climb a tree", you proclaim while enjoying the fruits at the top of the tree

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"... like judging a fish on its ability to climb a tree!"

totally, so like, is there an alternate test? can I be treated as well as a tree climber for, say, swimming up a stream? or are you just saying that to make yourself feel better about my disability?

lol the thought had been running through my mind lately of "what if we re-skill, and switch to another career?"

like, yeah, just learn something, that's totally a thing that I'm capable of doing, I don't have dozens of things I told myself I'd learn and then gave up on lol

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Else, manic pixie train girl's choices:

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