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(don't tell me to remember to keep a proper cloth and fluid handy, or to do a nightly cleaning manually. I can't, that's the point.)

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is there such a thing as like a gadget I can put my glasses in every night and it cleans the lenses for me? I never remember to clean them myself until it's a problem, and use my clothes (which I know is not great for the lenses)

*transatlantic accent* yes operator? get me klondike 420 69. *rings* hello, we've been trying to reach you about your horse's extended warranty

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so confused by the extended warranty thing because I can't remember the last time I picked up a phone call from an unknown number. do people still do that?

american healthcare 

lol my health insurance sent me physical mail to tell me about their ✨self help tools✨ like how bout you help me pay for my therapist you dicks

cuomo, nypol, covid deaths, drug and surgery references 

cmoooon universal healthcare. momma needs a new pair of tits

vore, snakes 

I wish I could be a dead snake. not sold on the being eaten part, but hey as long as I'm dead

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snake pic 

otoh, garter snakes are essentially harmless, and it wasn't doing anything wrong and had every right to be where it was, so maybe it would've been very american to step on it 🤔

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snake pic 

almost trod on this little noodle while taking the dog out. would've been very unamerican of me

money 

called and closed the account. it was a surprisingly easy process, no trying to keep me or anything like utility companies inexplicably do when you move. so, well done charles schwab?

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money 

lol I was sent an entire paper balance statement for my IRA, which I had to raid for medical expenses before it even gained any value and haven't gotten around to closing, and currently has a balance of $0.02

having adhd like "remember a few months ago, when that gender reveal explosion cracked people's foundations and turned their water brown?"

but also "remember the other day, when there was that big power outage in texas?"

me: not sure if I wanna go to bed now or not

the electricity:

me: gonna take that as a yes

Edward Snowden was supposed to talk at this "private investment club" scam conference, and he dropped the mic on the host for having a past Ponzi scheme

it's gorgeous

t.co/WAaA6pKwC3

(apparently the word metronym is actually an alternative form of matronym, meaning the name of ones mother)

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Else, manic pixie train girl's choices:

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