cw: death, depression (in case it wasn't apparent). 

I buried the woman I called mom sixteen years ago. She was my biological grandmother, adoptive mother, and I loved her with all my heart.
I never really grieved properly after her death, not did I really quite process her death the same way neurotypicals would.
I ended up homeless not too long after her death, which stressed some of my already tenuous relationship with the remnants of my blood family.

My biological mother did start talking to me a while after her mother's death, perhaps as an act of reconciliation, but I welcomed it.

There were people I missed talking to, and knowing they were okay through her gave relief.

All said, getting the phone call earlier this month of her being in the ICU, then passing ripped off a patch that was holding in the pressure.

I ache in a most profound way, and I share a fair percentage of the fault for this, for not trying at least a little to establish a connection on my own. I know my shortcoming is that I am afraid of bothering people, but damnit, they're blood. They can take a little jingle on the talkbox.

Even if the fear is founded on the predilection that they only talk to me when I'm useful to them.

I should be better than them at something, with proof.

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Tomorrow begins a difficult flight back to Florida.

I've already buried Mom.
I get to do it again¹, 16 years later.

I called it. I said elsewhere that I expected an influx, and influx there was.

My name is Xial, it doesn't rhyme with the soap, see?
I'm a rank 40 enby (maybe more genderqueer?) taxi herder by day, and a blue-and-cream furred curvy pervy vix by night. I'm currently nursing a movie box project for our house, consisting of our (actually growing) movie collection.

Also, for those who like flags and hearts:
:heart_nb::polyamory_flag: :heart_gq:

I should also try not posting so late in my day, but you gets what you gets, throw fits, catch hands. :P

I had a Nitro Pepsi for the first time last night. It's the last time I'll have it -- flat AF. Like if someone took a soda, and ironed it, then put it back in the can somehow.
It's missing the elements that make a soda *a soda*.

Ugh. Wake up at 2AM, distressed. A fair portion of the distress has hopefully been resolved, but I also hurt more now. Almost eye-watering, this pain. I work in five hours...

It's taken a tiny bit of adjustment, but I am liking my new keyboard. My big issue at first was how non-resistant the keys were. But the win in the situation is that they aren't deafening me when I type.

Went from Blue to Red switches.

Tii, bless this mess.
My Blu-Ray drive seems to have this Riplock shit that I had never heard of until today. I finally took the time to pick a rare Blu-Ray disc out of our house collection, shove it in the drive, and it insists on reading no faster than 2x speed.

Let's make this tastier: It's a Matshita drive, which does not appear to have a firmware fix available to stop it from crippling read speeds, based on the research I've done thus far. *closes 26 tabs...*

Blu-Ray discs will be relegated to the "Okay, I'm headed to work" or "Okay, I'm headed to bed" pile, since DVDs from our collection run so, so much faster.

Especially so since we have about 300, 350 movies or so in our collection that still need digitization, along with a bunch of boxed TV series which are somewhat time-consuming to process.

@rey I figured out a way to make it work. :D
I forgot to pick and drop DVDs off at the library, so I'll go do that first. :3

@rey Damn. That means I'm still going with my respirator, but I'm not going to be able to get in and out in 10 minutes like I'd like to. Was wanting to shop while I still have daylight. :P


Has the Superb Owl shown up on television yet? I need to time my grocery store run for the Owl spreading its Superb wings.

That said, some of the problem I was having was the process of *overthinking*.

For the longest, I had been staunchly in the Use Apache for serving the web camp.

I had started my move to Caddy a little while back, but when trying to set up WriteFreely, I was finding it mentally taxing then. "Oh, they are nginx-specific." was the locked thought process.

Today, I can tell you that my Caddyfile for the blog is three lines long, and only because I like pretty.

sub.domain {
reverse_proxy localhost:port

That's about it.
If I want to add images, I'll throw in a four line config.

img.domain {
root * /folder/with/pics

or thereabouts.
Good luck doing something that simple with Apache or nginx.

I am making the biggest celebratory noise right now.

My kink blog is up, running, and federated. \o/

re: Need help with WriteFreely and Caddy. 

@kode54 Future me might try to deal with that. Present me is going to be woefully short on sleep for an overly long workday. :)

re: Need help with WriteFreely and Caddy. 

@kode54 oh ffs. option in config file on server, unable to change from UI. That... I'm gonna headdesk myself back to sleep now, haha.

Thank you. :)

re: Need help with WriteFreely and Caddy. 

@kode54 Alas, that doesn't work: it fails to respond to any of the pokes on /.well-known/* -- this makes me invisible for federation; the rest of it worked.

@rey Indeed. Just finished. Sometimes, my brain cannot juggle letters fast enough and I get frustrated and walk away. So I open a metapad and splat whatever letters I've got and start pushing them around until my brain sees an answer.

It has been a longue daye.

I will have an even longuer daye tomorrow at work. 08:00 to 18:00+. Whee.

I'll have to delay my lunch at work until 12:15 or so, so that I don't accidentally go over six hours on the clock after lunch.


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